The Art Of Being Silly: Questions To Ponder - cannot be answered as there are no right answers to give.

* If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
* Is there another word for synonym?
* What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
* If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
* Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
* Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an "s" in it?
* How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
* If convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
* If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?
* Why are there flotation devices under airline seats instead of parachutes?
* Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
* Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
* Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
* Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport it by ship, it's called cargo?
* Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
* Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
* What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?
* Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
* If God sneezed, what would you say to him?
* Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
* Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
* Isn't is a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
* When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
* When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
* Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
* Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
* Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
* Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
* Do fish get cramps after eating?
* When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss and not a near hit?
* If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
* How is it possible to have a civil war?
* How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
* If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
* Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
* If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
* Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
* Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
* If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
* If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
* If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
* If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
* If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
* If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
* Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
* If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
* When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
* How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
* If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?
* How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
* If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
* What's another word for thesaurus?
* Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
* What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
* Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
* Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
* Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
* Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
* Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
* When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
* Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
* Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
* If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... Coincidence?
* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
* In synchronized swimming, if the first drowns, do the rest follow?
* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
* Shouldn't a man who invests all your money be called something other than a broker?
* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* If 21 is pronounced twenty-one why isn't 11 pronounced onety-one?
* If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
* If I play a blank tape with the volume turned up, will the mime next door go nuts?
* Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
* After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
* Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
* Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
* Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
* If all is not lost, where is it?
* Why are there handicap parking places in front of skating rinks?
* Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions?
* Why do you often see people ordering double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
* Why is it that we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and yet leave useless junk in the garage?
* When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
* What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?
* Instead of putting pictures of criminals in the post office, why aren't they put on stamps so postman could look for them while they deliver the mail?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
* Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What's in whack?
* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
* Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
* Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
* Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
* Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
* At ball games, why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
* Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
* Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
* Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
* Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
* If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead."?
* If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
* How much deeper would the ocean be if all the sponges didn't live there?
* Why does the sun darken our skin but lighten our hair?
* Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
* Why is it that when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
* Why does an alarm clock go "off" when it actually goes "on?"
* Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
* Why does mineral water, that has trickled down the mountains for centuries, go out of date next year?
* Why are softballs so hard?
* Is it possible to get insurance on insurance? And if so, can you get insurance on that insurance?
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Who do you save when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

I Survived The BIG Squeeze!

I am a procrastinator. I put doing things for myself off constantly. I make appointments and then cancel them over and over. I do for everyone but when it comes to doing for me I feel guilty because I struggle with doing things for myself out of guilt and fear. However, I finally made and kept a doctor appointment. On Friday, March 5, I finally like a virgin experienced the BIG SQUEEZE and survived. I am referring to having my very first mammogram ever. I am a nervous Nelly when it comes to doctor appointments for me of any kind. I worried needlessly over this appointment for quite some time. Frankly, it's not horrible at all. It's just a little discomfort. Yes. They squeeze your breasts between Plexiglas or a hard type of clear plastic. You are told to stand still with your breasts flattened in between this clear plastic apparatus. You are told to hold your breath and then they digitally take a picture of your breasts. A picture I won't see nor will my curious husband. They take 4 pictures. One of the front and one of the side view. You cannot wear perfume or deodorant or lotion. The one thing I did not appreciate was the nurse or mammogram specialist did not wear plastic gloves while handling my breasts which I thought unprofessional and probably not entirely clean - her hands, not my breasts. When I first arrived for the appointment, I was directed to a room and told the take everything off from the waist up and to put on a lovely Johnny complete with matching bathrobe. I was a bit hesitant sitting in the waiting room with another victim in a matching outfit except that she totally misunderstood the directions and ended up putting on her matching robe first with the opening in the front and then her Johnny over the robe. I told her it was okay but secretly I thought she should go back in and switch the two. Luckily she was called in first. I sat there in the beautiful Johnny. I called my husband to complain thinking he would rescue me but my knight gave me little support because he wanted me to have this appointment many moons ago. Then, my name was called. I took my basket of personal effects and diligently followed the woman to the room where they make you take off your robe and turn your Johnny around exposing your breasts. The entire appointment from start to finish including check in and changing was about 30 minutes give or take a minute here or there. At the end, I was told I would receive a letter if all was well and if all was not well, I would get a phone call telling me I need to come back in for further evaluation. I am not expecting bad results. My main concern was the appointment itself. When all was said and done, when I left, I felt a little used. Like I waited forever to make the appointment and to keep the appointment and then disappointed that it was finally done and over with and, after showing my breasts and displaying them to be digitized, I get nothing. I am relieved that I finally did it but now wish I had done it sooner with less hesitation because really it's not a big deal and if you are at the age when it's required, you really just need to do it and stop worrying about it. It's a piece of cake. Enjoy the slice.

To Wear A Tiara or Not To Wear A Tiara. That is the question.

I wore a tiara when I got married on February 14, 2009. I was 46. I should have worn it on my 1st anniversary but I vow to wear it every anniversary from now on. I believe it is perfectly acceptable to wear a tiara for special occasions or for ordinary days. Why do you need a reason to wear a tiara? It's not offensive or harmful. It's pretty and beautiful. It's not an ugly tattoo you carry with 24/7. It's not a nose or lip ring. It's not a baseball cap or a t-shirt with an offensive statement on the front. I believe any woman can and should wear a tiara at least once in their lifetime. Tiara's are acceptable.

To quote from a sweet movie that my daughter and I watched, The Little Princess:

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics.
Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or
young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell
you that? Didn't he?"

"All women are princesses, it is our right."