About Me

I am married with children. I have a 20 year old son; a 17 year old son; a 4 year old daughter. I have been married twice. The first marriage lasted 11 years. I have been married to my second husband 15 months as of May 14th. I grew up on a small Vermont family farm with 2 brothers and 3 sisters. I was a ward of the state. I have 2 biological sisters. I have had 4 last names. My biological name, my adopted name, and my two married names. I am not a materialistic person. I believe in angels, forgiveness, God, love, and second chances. I love my children and my husband. I have always wanted to be part of something bigger than myself where I could help others. I wish I could do more for the people in my life. I am no saint though I am no devil either. I have not been far in this world which makes me no expert on most topics. I took a train once from New England to Florida with a 6 year old and a 3 year old when I was 33. I have never been in a plane or on a cruise ship. I did take the fairy from Maine to Nova Scotia in 1987. That was the extent of my travelling days. I am my own worst critic and my own worst enemy at times.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I Survived The BIG Squeeze!

I am a procrastinator. I put doing things for myself off constantly. I make appointments and then cancel them over and over. I do for everyone but when it comes to doing for me I feel guilty because I struggle with doing things for myself out of guilt and fear. However, I finally made and kept a doctor appointment. On Friday, March 5, I finally like a virgin experienced the BIG SQUEEZE and survived. I am referring to having my very first mammogram ever. I am a nervous Nelly when it comes to doctor appointments for me of any kind. I worried needlessly over this appointment for quite some time. Frankly, it's not horrible at all. It's just a little discomfort. Yes. They squeeze your breasts between Plexiglas or a hard type of clear plastic. You are told to stand still with your breasts flattened in between this clear plastic apparatus. You are told to hold your breath and then they digitally take a picture of your breasts. A picture I won't see nor will my curious husband. They take 4 pictures. One of the front and one of the side view. You cannot wear perfume or deodorant or lotion. The one thing I did not appreciate was the nurse or mammogram specialist did not wear plastic gloves while handling my breasts which I thought unprofessional and probably not entirely clean - her hands, not my breasts. When I first arrived for the appointment, I was directed to a room and told the take everything off from the waist up and to put on a lovely Johnny complete with matching bathrobe. I was a bit hesitant sitting in the waiting room with another victim in a matching outfit except that she totally misunderstood the directions and ended up putting on her matching robe first with the opening in the front and then her Johnny over the robe. I told her it was okay but secretly I thought she should go back in and switch the two. Luckily she was called in first. I sat there in the beautiful Johnny. I called my husband to complain thinking he would rescue me but my knight gave me little support because he wanted me to have this appointment many moons ago. Then, my name was called. I took my basket of personal effects and diligently followed the woman to the room where they make you take off your robe and turn your Johnny around exposing your breasts. The entire appointment from start to finish including check in and changing was about 30 minutes give or take a minute here or there. At the end, I was told I would receive a letter if all was well and if all was not well, I would get a phone call telling me I need to come back in for further evaluation. I am not expecting bad results. My main concern was the appointment itself. When all was said and done, when I left, I felt a little used. Like I waited forever to make the appointment and to keep the appointment and then disappointed that it was finally done and over with and, after showing my breasts and displaying them to be digitized, I get nothing. I am relieved that I finally did it but now wish I had done it sooner with less hesitation because really it's not a big deal and if you are at the age when it's required, you really just need to do it and stop worrying about it. It's a piece of cake. Enjoy the slice.

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